


Rearview Mirror

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky walks away, But Steve doesn't leave, Captain America Steve Rogers, Flower Shops, Kittens, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), They start to get their shit together, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, steve follows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 10:35:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19886182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Bucky leaves for his own good, but he's not running this time.





	Rearview Mirror

Bucky doesn’t want to move into the Compound. He doesn’t want to live in some place that Steve or any of the other Avengers suggest. But it just turns out that way. At least for a little while. 

Now, Bucky lives in a little apartment above a flower shop. The owner hired Bucky for deliveries, but soon found that he had an eye for color, so she put him to work arranging bouquets and hired another young man to deliver. The apartment was a bonus. 

Slowly he gathered things, possessions, that he could call his own. Steve originally called and texted every day, then somewhere along the way, it started being a weekly call or text to check in. It seemed to become obvious to Steve, finally, that Bucky was different and wanted his own space. Bucky was thankful for that, but he missed his friend, he missed seeing him, throwing a casual arm over his shoulder, he missed him.

It was for the best though. See, Bucky ran from Steve because he could never be the same person Steve remembered. Then he kept running, metaphorically, because Steve didn’t seem to care that he’d never be the same and that scared Bucky. Then he ran because he felt uncomfortable, but could never put his finger on why. Just this sense that something was crawling under his skin. He remembers getting an odd look from Wilson, but Wilson doesn’t like him, so it was probably just protecting his best friend.

That’s another thing that Bucky’s come to realize.

During dinners at the Compound Bucky would watch Steve with this found family. He thought he’d be jealous, but he wasn’t. It just made him realize that Steve doesn’t need him and something about that was okay. Steve has Wilson that takes up the space that used to be Bucky’s and Wanda fills a space of the sibling that Steve never had.

So, one day, Bucky just walks away. He doesn’t have to run anymore, so he walks. Money isn’t an issue, but Bucky wants to do something with his hands. He wants to be busy and when he sees the ‘Help Wanted’ sign in the florist’s window, he takes a chance. She’s much older looking that Bucky, probably in her 70’s, but she’s spry. Her mind is sharp as a tack and Bucky likes her immediately. She knows who he is, of course, but asks him if he’ll be on time. He answers in the affirmative and he finds himself with a job.

After a week of living in the motel down the street, he comes to work and she hands him a set of keys. Giving her a questioning look, she tells him it’s for the apartment above the shop that he’s moving into. Not, ‘do you need a place to stay’ just ‘that’s where you live now.’ Bucky smirks, pocketing the keys and going to work. That was months ago and Bucky’s never been happier.

“James, where are your friends?” Ilene watches him arrange the small confirmation bouquets. There are 32 in all and he’s been working on them for a couple of days.

“What do you mean?” He knows she’s giving him an unimpressed look, so he doesn’t meet her eyes.

“You know damn well what I mean, young man.” Bucky snorts because that’s irony at its finest. “Now answer the question.

“I assume he’s out saving the world. Don’t really know.” He places number 28 in the cooler and gets to work on the next one.

“James?” The tone she uses makes him freeze. It’s the same tone that his mother used to use when Steve was sick again. He looks up. “Tell me how you ended up working for a crank old lady instead of being with the only other person that could understand you.”

Bucky looks up at the ceiling and then starts working on the tiny bouquet again. “Can he?” She huffs. “No, listen Ilene, we came from the same time, with a shared history, but the minute I went off the side of that train, that’s when everything diverges. He came out of the ice a hero still. I came out of it something else.” She hands him the florist’s tape and he holds her hand for a second longer than necessary. “We don’t have the same experience and he has a family that means everything to him. I have this and that’s good.”

“Well that’s the most you’ve ever said to me.” He barks a laugh. “What do you have besides this?”

“This is enough.” He gets smacked in the back of the head for that. “What was that for?”

“I know you were born decades before I was, but most of that was spent in a freezer. I’ve lived this life and know that you can’t just have this. You need something. Why not him?” She leans with her hip propped on the counter, watching the delicate work he’s doing.

“Because I…” He doesn’t even know how to finish. Clearing his throat, he looks up at his boss. “What position do I fill in his life now?”

“What position do you want?”

Instead of going to visit or talk to Steve, Bucky goes to the local shelter after having seen a commercial on TV. He finds the closest no kill shelter and decides that he’s going to find a friend that he can take care of. He isn’t expecting to find three new friends, but he also can’t take one without the other two. 

He spent several days thinking about what Ilene had said. ‘What position do you want?’ Bucky can’t answer that. He knows that who he is now and who Steve is now, they aren’t best friends. Steve can say it all he wants, but actions always speak louder than words and Bucky just isn’t in a place where he needs to prove his value to Steve. Picking up his phone, he sends a text with a picture of the three kittens in a rare moment of sleep. He had no idea how active small balls of fur could be.

**_‘I have three new friends.’ <picture attachment>_ **

It’s nearly an hour later before he gets a reply. He stopped watching his phone when he sends texts to Steve because he doesn’t answer immediately. The first couple of days, it had hurt. Now, it’s just the way of this loose situation they call friendship.

_‘When did this happen?’_

**_‘A few days ago. I decided I needed something to keep me company.’_ **

_‘How are you, Buck? Really.’_

**_‘I’m good. The job is great and I have a home. And now I have new friends.’_ **

Bucky watches the typing bubbles come up and disappear numerous times, then they disappear and he doesn’t get a response. Finishing dinner, he showers and heads to bed. Sometime during the night, he wakes from a nightmare, but it’s nothing unusual and before he knows it, he has three balls of fluff cuddled up with him. Their little purrs lull him back into sleep.

Stumbling out of bed in the morning, he nearly trips over Allie trying to get to the kitchen. The other two, Jinx and Mya, follow behind knowing breakfast is coming. Allie’s always the troublemaker and while he’s starting the coffee maker, she tries to climb Bucky’s leg. “Would you stop that **!** I don’t need to bleed this morning.”

He puts their food down and watches as three kittens become hungry hyenas. Pouring a cup of coffee, he isn’t expecting a knock on the door. Still in a sleep induced stupor, he goes to the outside door. Steve stands on the other side, looking sheepish until he takes in Bucky’s state of undress. “Uh…is it too early? Did I wake you up?”

Bucky stares at him dumbly for a couple of seconds before he remembers that he didn’t put on pants. “Oh shit, sorry. Come on in. Let me get…something.” He goes off down the hallway. “There’s coffee if you want it.”

He finds Steve in the kitchen, drinking from another mug and watching the kittens eat. “Are they always this…ravenous?”

Bucky snorts. “Every damn morning. It’s like they don’t think they’re ever going to get fed again.” He grabs his coffee off the table. Heading to the icebox, he grabs the creamer. After having been introduced to flavored creamers, he’s become a big fan. This morning is hazelnut. “Whatcha doin here, Steve?”

“After your text last night…I just…I guess I haven’t been a very good friend to you.” Steve looks truly upset and Bucky can’t figure that out. He finds it a little annoying.

He goes into the living room sitting in the arm chair by the window. “You don’t owe me anything, Steve. You saved me, brought me home, and got me healthy. You don’t owe me anything beyond that.”

Steve sits on the sofa, rolling the mug between his hands. “Buck, you’re my best friend…”

Before he can continue, Bucky starts to laugh. Steve looks up confused. “Let’s be clear, I was your best friend. That position is taken by someone else now. We were family, but you have that from others now. I’m a guy that you don’t even know anymore.” He’s not upset or angry or hurt, he’s just stating the facts as he knows them.

Steve, on the other hand, looks like he may cry. “I’m sorry.”

Bucky huffs a quiet chuckle causing Steve to look up. “For what? You didn’t do anything wrong except live your best life. That’s all I’m trying to do here.”

A second knock happens, but this time from the door going down to the shop. Bucky gets up and lets Ilene into the apartment. “I was worried. You’re usually downstairs by now.” She comes in further, seeing Steve. “Oh, I didn’t…”

Before she can get the wrong idea, he interrupts her. “Steve came by this morning. He got to see the wild beasts eating.”

Steve looks up, trying to smile. He offers his hand. “Ma’am, I’m Steve.”

She shakes his hand, smirking. “I’m Ilene and it’s nice to meet you.” She looks at Bucky. “Take an extra hour this morning. The breakfast I brought you will keep downstairs.”

Steve looks uncomfortable. “I should probably go. This was a bad idea.” He shoots a look at Bucky like a betrayal. That gets under the ex-assassins skin.

Ilene looks a little upset and exits before anything else is said. Bucky turns on Steve. “What did you expect to happen, Steve? What could you possibly want from me that you don’t already have from everyone else?”

Steve doesn’t speak, he just comes forward, wrapping his right hand behind Bucky’s head into his hair, and pulls him forward. Bucky isn’t prepared for the kiss. It’s soft, it’s chaste, it’s a fucking surprise. Bucky doesn’t give his mouth permission to reciprocate the action, but it does it anyway. He doesn’t give his hands permission to grab on to Steve’s hips and pull him closer, by they do it anyway. And he certainly doesn’t give his throat permission to make THAT sound. Steve lifts his head slightly and rests his forehead against Bucky’s temple. “You’re right, I don’t need a best friend or a family, but I was hoping you could be something else to me. That we could be something more to each other.” He kisses Bucky’s temple, then moves away. His hands are shaking. “I’m sorry. Sam told me to get a grip and tell you before you left, but I was a coward. If you don’t want this to happen, I will leave and I won’t come back. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m doing.”

“That makes two of us, pal.” And Bucky is on Steve in a rush of hands and lips. How could he have not seen this? How could he be this oblivious? Steve is clinging to him like he’ll die without him and Bucky has latched onto his neck. Steve roughly pulls his face up and kisses him again, but this time it isn’t soft or chaste. 

This time it’s decades and decades of hunger. “I let you go because I thought it was the right thing to do, but you can’t leave again. I can’t let go of you.” It’s said with such possessiveness that Bucky wants to melt into the floor. Who knew he had a possessiveness kink?

Bucky backs away, hands up and head down. Steve looks obliterated. “Buck? What did I do wrong?”

Hands on his hips, he looks back up at Steve. “You didn’t do anything wrong, but you need to tell me what this is. It’s coming out of left field for me, Steve.”

The kittens come jumping and running into the room. Mostly they are just falling all over each other and Steve snorts. Bucky scoops them up and plants them on the cat tree. They aren’t graceful and it will take them awhile to get down. Steve walks over, petting each of them. He doesn’t look at Bucky, he just keeps petting or wiggling his fingers for them to attack. “When we were kids, I idolized you. I know you knew that, but the older we got, the more it turned into something a little more complicated.” He finally turns to look at Bucky. “If I’d tried anything back then, you woulda punch me.” He takes Bucky’s left hand. “When I found you in that factory, I could breathe again. That’s when I knew for sure.”

“Still not sure what’s happening. What did you know for sure?” Bucky truly has no clue what’s happening.

“I knew that I was in love with you.” For just a split second, Bucky wants to cover his mouth.

“And you’re still…” He can’t really bring himself to say it.

“Still in love with you? Yeah, maybe more than I was before.” Allie jumps from the cat tree to Bucky’s shoulder and starts rubbing her head against his cheek. The smile Steve gives them is so sweet that Bucky’s pretty sure it could be bottled and sold for pancakes.

“Okay.” Steve looks at him hopeful. “Steve, you gotta understand, pal, I’m having trouble processing this. I care about you, but I don’t…”

Before he can get too far, Steve takes both of his hands. “Before you shoot me down, just let me…I don’t know…let me court you.”

Bucky barks out a laugh. “Court me?”

“Yeah, like when you’d court those girls back…before. Let me take you out: dinner, walks in the park, maybe even dancing. I haven’t earned you yet, let me earn this.” Bucky never could say no to Steve, even when it got them both beat up.

“What the hell. Okay Steve, you can…can we just say date because courting makes me feel as old as I am.” Steve laughs, then brings Bucky’s hands up and kisses both.

“We can call it anything you want.” Steve looks at him through long lashes. “How about dinner tonight?”

Bucky gives an undignified snort. “Eager much, Steve?” Steve just looks hopeful. “Okay, tonight. Do you want to meet somewhere?”

Steve gets a mischievous looks. “Oh no, we’re doing this right. I’ll pick you up tonight at 7. Don’t wear anything too fancy, but no sweat pants either.” He leans in, kissing Bucky’s cheek and heads for the door. Bucky honestly has no idea what just happened.

Ilene just laughs while Bucky eats his breakfast. The entire day is spent making arrangements for charity dinner the following night. Bucky looks up, now and then, only to catch Ilene smiling at him. “What? You have something to say?”

She smirks. “I just think this is good. I always wondered what the relationship was between you two back then.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean. Back then we were friends. Just friends.” He tries to go back to work, but can’t help wondering what she’s trying to say.

She hands off a delivery to Miguel then turns back to Bucky. “I know that’s what you thought, but thinking about it now, it does make everything he did suspect. Don’t you think?”

Bucky remembers when Miss Sarah died and Bucky had to really push to get Steve to move in with him. Steve fought so hard for that not to happen. He remembers on those cold winter nights, hearing Steve’s teeth nearly chatter out of his mouth and Bucky climbing into bed with him. He remembers how the next morning he’d get up to find Steve wrapped in a quilt on the sofa, sketching or reading the paper looking guilty. He remembers walking back to base after the factory and Steve reaching over, just touching, just to be sure that Bucky was really there. Well hell fire and damnation, the man’s been showing him their whole lives and Bucky’s been an oblivious idiot.

Ilene sees it and starts to laugh. “Shut up old woman.” That makes her cackle even louder.

All of these realizations are fine. They’re good. But they don’t help Bucky pick out what to wear and it’s already 6:40. Finally, he just pulls on something dressier than normal, but not over the top. Black jeans and a grey button up. He rolls the sleeves up and slips on his boots. Looking into the mirror he tries to decide what to do with his hair, coming to the conclusion that it will be easier to just leave it down, that’s what he does.

When the knock comes, he jumps. Petting each of the kittens, he goes to the door to find a man he doesn’t know. “Mr. Barnes?”

“Uh…yeah?” The man cracks a small smile and Bucky looks at him closely. “I know you.”

“Yes sir, I’m Happy Hogan and I’ll be driving you tonight.” Bucky grabs his keys and follows the man back down the stairs.

Standing next to a town car is Steve, holding a bouquet of flowers and smiling shyly. Bucky looks over and Ilene and Miguel are standing in the window of the shop, grinning like loons. Steve hands the flowers over and kisses Bucky’s cheek. “You look incredible, Buck.”

Steve is wearing grey slacks and a pale blue sweater that’s got to be a size too small. “You said nothing too dressy, but you didn’t listen to your own advice. You look…” He comes close to saying beautiful then wonders where that thought came from. “Nice. You look nice.” Thankfully Steve can’t hear Bucky’s internal monologue. Beautiful? Where the fuck did that come from?”

In the car, Steve offers him a drink, which he takes gratefully. “There’s this really good Italian place. That okay?”

Bucky’s looking at Steve so intently that he doesn’t hear the question. Has he always thought Steve was beautiful? When the answer comes to him, he throws his head back. “Aw hell!”

Steve’s in his space, taking his drink and setting it aside. He takes Bucky’s face in his hands, turning him to meet Steve’s eyes. “What’s wrong? Do you want to go home? Is this not okay?”

Bucky wants to laugh then maybe cry. Before Steve can comment again, Bucky kisses him. It’s harsh and demanding and Steve doesn’t think twice about letting Bucky take anything he wants. Neither man hear the privacy window go up. With this new realization once Bucky starts, he can’t seem to stop. He may not have known it consciously, but his sub-conscious is making up for it now. “Steve…Stevie…”

Steve seems just as lost in whatever is happening as Bucky is and just keeps repeating Bucky’s name over and over when they come up for air. They reach the restaurant and they’re about as put together as two horny teenagers after prom. “Sirs, not to interrupt, but we’re here.” Happy gets out of the car, but doesn’t open a door. He stands discreetly outside.

“Buck, do you want to have dinner or…” They’re both panting and looking at each other like dinner is the last thing they want.

Bucky practically growls. “Dinner…let’s do dinner so I can get my head on straight.” Steve reaches over, straightening Bucky’s hair and shirt. Running his fingers through his own hair, Steve opens the door. 

Dinner is agony in that all Bucky wants to do is get his hands back on Steve. At least Steve seems to be in the same shape. By the time their entrées come to the table, Bucky’s had enough of these confusing feelings. The waiter refills their glasses and moves away. Steve picks up his fork, but sees that Bucky hasn’t moved and freezes.

“Buck?”

“You know I’m not that guy from way back then?” It’s just so overwhelming to be looking across the table at the man that was his best friend and feeling things that he didn’t know he was feeling.

“And I’m not the same guy either, in case you hadn’t noticed.” Steve keeps looking at him with that look. The look that Bucky remembers clearly and never had a name for.

“Yeah…yeah…I get that, but…” He doesn’t even know where’s he’s going with this conversation. “I really want to kiss you again and that isn’t something that ever crossed my mind before.”

Steve grins. “It’s okay. I was thinking it enough for the both of us back then.” Bucky laughs. “If this is something you really want to explore, I’m in it all the way. If you decide that it isn’t, I’d really like to keep being your friend.”

“And you’d be okay with that. Just being friends.” Bucky watches a multitude of emotions cross Steve’s beautiful face and then settles on something warm.

“Yeah, absolutely.” The tension that Bucky didn’t know he was carrying about this, relaxes and he smiles. “But until you make that decision, I just want to tell you that I think you are gorgeous, always have, and I love who you are now.”

Bucky finds himself blushing and feels goddamn flutters in his stomach at that. “You’ve definitely changed. You used to stumble over your words with the girls I set you up with.”

Steve snorts. “Of course I did because none of them were as beautiful as you and you’re all I was thinking about back then.”

Dinner continues from there and Bucky feels more relaxed than he has in ages. Having Steve all to himself and being able to just talk is something he’s missed. When they leave the restaurant, Happy isn’t there. Steve takes Bucky’s hand and leads him towards the park down the street. “What made you adopt the kittens?”

Bucky huffs a quiet laugh. “Ilene actually.” Steve quirks an eyebrow, silently asking for an explanation. “She wanted to know why you weren’t part of my life. I told her I didn’t fit in with your life anymore.” Steve looks hurt by that confession. “I spent my life looking out for you and needed something to take care of, I guess.” Steve squeezes his hand. Bucky takes comfort in Steve’s hand and how it feels like it belongs in his own.

“I guess I never thought about it like that. I got used to taking care of myself when I came out of the ice. The closest that anyone has come to doing that for me was Sam, but that was only to encourage me to go to meetings at the VA. He’s less concerned with the little things and more concerned with my trauma.” It’s the first time Steve’s said anything remotely like he doesn’t get what he needs from his best friend.

“I’m sure he would if you needed him to.” It isn’t that Bucky dislikes Sam, in fact, he thinks Sam is a good guy.

“That’s just it. I don’t want someone else doing that for me. I don’t want someone else telling me to sit down and eat something, or sleep, I want that from you.” The small flutters that Bucky felt earlier in the restaurant come back with a vengeance, but this time they feels like condors.

He stops in the middle of the sidewalk, pulling Steve to a stop. Holy hell…

The voice that comes out of him is small, quiet, and not how he normally speaks. “Steve…” His friend looks at him questioningly. “Do you think it’s possible to be in love with someone and not know it?”

Steve folds Bucky into his arms. “Yeah, I do. We spend so much time defining everyone’s role in our lives and sometimes we don’t see what’s right in front of us.”

For the first time in a long time, Bucky feels tears gathering in his eyes. He buries his face in Steve’s neck and whispers. “I think I’m in love with you, Steve.”


End file.
